Our Frausted Life

By Syd

Just so everyone is aware before I begin, this event happened in the past. It’s OVER. While I’m not at liberty to say when any deployment begins or will be ending, or when Nik goes “underway”, I can certainly express my feelings during them AFTER he returns home and give a little glimpse of my life during that time.

Nik had been telling me about this short underway for quite some time. Seemed one thing after another kept coming up. ( I’m learning that we really can’t take a word anyone says regarding anything seriously. It’ll change a million times. Broken words. Failed promises. I can testify to the truth that you are basically living in the military world and have no control over anything. Be flexible and learn to be joyful every moment you get with your service member. ) The day FINALLY arrived where he’d be heading out. I woke with him early, just before 7am, and I dropped him off near the ship shortly after. He told me what time they’d be pulling away, and that I should come see him off, if I wanted. A part of me thought, “Yeah, but our bed sounds SOOOO nice!” I haven’t had a lot of energy lately. I’m not sure why. Some mornings, I just can’t wake up to save my life, it seems. But this particular morning, I decided to get dressed and get out there.

I quickly realized once I was in the general area, I really didn’t KNOW where the best place was to watch the ship pull away. I didn’t know if there was a specific channel or if I was on the wrong side of the base. With recent storms and winds, they had to move the ship to another location, so I was all kinds of twisted. The problem that morning was that I couldn’t just call or text Nik about anything. Talking about deployments or being “underway” over the phone is forbidden. We hadn’t come up with any code at that time, so I tried my best to play it off in texts hoping he’d get the idea. “Well, I hope this meeting is pretty quick. They have a presentation set up, and it seems to be going slow. Now I need to use the restroom, but I know once I dip out to go, I’ll probably miss something I needed or wanted. ” It was true. After sitting in a spot where I figured this boat HAD to go by for over an hour, mother nature called. I was NOT happy, but I had no idea how much longer the wait would be.

I walked back to my car to put my cup away (and hope the walk would take the urge away), and as I turned back to look I got a message from Nik that just said “Be looking.” I mentioned something about “Great, this meeting is getting to the meat and potatoes, which is what I need.” Something along those lines. Haha!

I ran back to my viewing spot, and sure enough, after sitting out there nearly an hour and a half, here she came in all her glory! Now, she isn’t a HUGE ship, but she seems large to me. I got so excited as I saw her pull out of the canal? port? channel? I am not sure what they call it, but it was neat to watch a little boat connected to a gate pull away while dragging the gate away so that the bigger ship could get out. It took several minutes to see it clear the tree line, and once it did, I got this huge feeling of pride. This is a part of what Nik has been waiting for: to go on deployments (however long) and be out at sea with fellow sailors.

I waved with both arms like an idiot hoping he could see me on the shoreline. I scanned the decks trying to find an arm waving back, but they were too far, and everyone looked very condensed. Nik did message me and say “I’m waving” so I know he saw me. I just couldn’t see him. I’ll have to buy some binocs soon. Maybe for Christmas.

I also had trouble seeing because I began to cry. I wasn’t sad to see him go (okay, maybe a little). We’ve been apart more than three months in the past, but this is different. We always had communication during those times he was at school or training in the states. With these deployments, I’d be blessed to even get an email every once in a while.

I cried because I was just so proud. He had to be on cloud 9 pulling away and finally out in the water. I could hear “ANCHORS AWEIGH, MY BOYS! ANCHORS AWEIGH!” in my head. What an experience for him!

The coming days will be slightly hard for me as I won’t have any communication with him, but goodness, does our love for one another carry us through. As I watched that ship pull further and further into the channel and out into the wild blue yonder (I did wait a good 15-20 extra minutes to watch it completely sail away), I found myself just thanking God for Nik. I would never trade him for any number of kids or even a timeline for me to choose when we began our family. He is my person. We have been bonded together by the Lord, and man, am I truly thankful for him. He is the best, greatest, and biggest answered prayer of my life!

I know there will come a time where these deployments are even longer. Maybe 6 months. 9 months even. I know it will get harder, but I am truly blessed with the incredible support of not just my husband, but my heavenly Father. I think in our delay (of all things), God has truly prepared us more for all these things. I don’t think we were ready in our marriage 3 years ago for all this. We wanted all of this so badly – I wanted to see Nik’s goals and calling come to fruition- but I just don’t think we were ready. There were things we needed to go through first to make us stronger and more prepared, and I’m incredibly thankful for the delay.

Fast forward to his return: he got home much later than he anticipated. I kept thinking he’d walk into the end of our church service straight off the ship and I’d rush into his arms, giving him a huge bear hug… do I live on fantasy island or what? I’ve learned that nothing is on time, ever, and don’t expect anything to go the way that its planned. Honestly, I’m really not sure why anything is planned at all. It seems it all is just an idea that runs off the seat of their pants. I was so excited to see him, though, when he did get home that afternoon. Big duffle bag in tow. Smelly boots (sorry – it is just what it is! They have to wear them all day!). But honestly, it’s a smell and sight I’ve grown to love. I love giving him a huge hug when he’s wearing that camo green or his khakis (truly, whatever he’s wearing). It all means he’s HOME and SAFE.

We spent the afternoon washing his clothes and catching up on the few days he was gone. I got to tell him how I experienced my first EARTHQUAKE without him! That was wild. He told me about some of the things he got to do, like serve at an ice cream social on board. He even showed me some photos of that.

While this underway was super short, I know there are longer ones ahead for us. I’m glad the Lord is giving us these smaller ones first to help us ease into this lifestyle. I get to learn, slowly, some of the ins and outs, and figure my own routine in bite sizes than having to drink from a firehouse all at once.