Our Frausted Life

It has been a month since Sydnie arrived in Guam. Here is her update and some of her thoughts/observations after a month:

I didn’t realize a month had gone by until I saw it was June 23. My birthday is May 23, and I arrived the night before my birthday on the 22nd so when I looked at the calendar, I was super surprised. Some days it feels like it’s been much longer. I remember feeling lost the first week I was here. It seems like a dream now looking back. Trying to navigate the time difference, and have your body catch up on sleep, was something I’d never experienced. I mean, I hardly get sleep anyways, so the sleep thing was normal back at home, but this was a different kind of catch-up. I think it took me nearly 3 weeks to finally feel settled with my nights and days. In regard to feeling lost, it wasn’t just time, but my sense of purpose or belonging. Back home, my calendar was full. I had a family event, something to do for ministry, a text to respond back to, work event or lesson planning, etc. I got here and there was nothing on my calendar. I felt like I forgot something back home – either to do or tell someone (which I did – Sorry Kennedy and Sarai – I love y’all! … and my parents. Thanks for your grace!) so I felt antsy. There wasn’t much I could do about all that now, but just try to communicate the best I could. Even that was difficult because our phone service wasn’t great, and it took over a week to finally get that figured out. Thankfully, the internet folks were “Johnny on the spot” and we had internet 2 days after I arrived. After a month, I think I’m finding my routine at home. I still don’t have my purpose figured out, per se, but I am in a comfortable place, I think, while I wait.

Navigating life on base has been another thing to get used to. I finally have gotten used to colors at 0800 and taps at 1840 (sometimes 1845). The speaker is actually in our backyard so there is NO missing it. I guess it’s a great alarm clock for me.

I have, I think, gotten used to the 2 million planes that seem to fly over daily. I’m exaggerating – there are some quiet days, but some days are busier than others. Living in Caldwell, we’d be lucky to catch a plane flying over once a month. They intrigued me then. I’d run out (especially if it was loud) to see it (fear, concern, or just general wonderment). Same happens here – some are SUPER LOUD (because they fly so low to land) so I run out to try to catch what kind of a plane it is or what in tarnation is going on. The airport isn’t far (I mean, not much is “far” since this is a small island) so commercial planes fly over often. I think by the third week, I stopped running outside to try to catch them because I’m getting used to the noise and I realize that it is normal here. No need to be concerned or curious.

The skies here are a blue that I don’t think I’ve ever seen. Literally, every time I go outside, I feel like I’m in one of God’s paintings. The mountains seem so close and so green, I feel I could reach out and touch them. I stare in wonderment and awe of the Lord’s creation. It has inspired me so much to begin painting (and when I find a place that actually sells art supplies on the island, I will give it a try!). It’s a beautiful thing to see a rainstorm come in and loom over the mountains while it’s sunny at our house. No lightning or thunder. I think I’ve seen lightning once as well as thunder. It’s actually a rare thing here, I’m finding. I actually miss it – it’s what make storms more exciting, in my opinion. It rains daily here, somewhere on the island. I find rain comes and goes like the wind. A lot of the time, wind is calm and soft, and you can’t hear it. Same with these rain showers – they come in so softly that you don’t hear them. I only know if it has rained if 1) my blinds are open; 2) I see traces of it on our porch or street; or 3) I peek out the window and see the screen filled with water droplets. I’ll say “Hey, when did it rain?” I feel it’s a daily occurrence. I think once the rain was actually hard enough to hear against our windows. Once.

If it rains enough, or throughout the day, you better be prepared for the plague of frogs that will rush the streets. The second day I was here, we had lots of rain throughout the day, and the street that leads up to our neighborhood was flooded with frogs. Many were squished so we were dodging as many as we could. It really broke my heart to see as someone who likes frogs (yes, I’m that kind of person – I’ll see them sometimes on our evening walks and I will talk to them) and to see SO MANY dead. It actually annoys me these things don’t learn to stay off the streets when it’s wet. When we lived in Kentucky, we learned their thing are worms. They are everywhere when it rains! Here, it’s frogs. I’m not sure which is worse. I want to say frogs because you can see the aftermath of their unwise decisions…

Speaking of creatures, I really haven’t found any here to be too foreign to me. We’ve got grasshoppers, flies (ugh…), butterflies, and…. flipping FLYING ROACHES. If y’all truly know me, you know that Syd does NOT do roaches, especially those that fly. One night after a good rain, Nik and I were pulling into our garage, and we saw something large flying around. I expected a moth. NO. It was a dadgum roach and I lost my mind. I sent Nik to kill it. It is still lying in our garage as an example for any other one that even THINKS about coming this way. Get to steppin’! Ants are a thing here (obviously), spiders (haven’t found any strange ones, but then again, I haven’t been hiking or out in the mountains… they can stay out there), and some type of dirt dobber-hornet looking insect. I didn’t get too close to investigate. That’s all I need – to die because I was curious. Nope. I’m good. (Thankfully, I haven’t seen or felt ONE mosquito… it’s been a blessing thus far.) Another creature I’ve found scurrying in the neighborhood are MICE. They are quick and small. Like field mice. Thankfully, I haven’t found any of these creatures INSIDE our home. Lord willing, it stays this way… except…

Screeching geckos! If they make this noise in the states, I had no idea. I’m very familiar and used to them as they pretty much inhabit any porch or entry door in central Texas, especially if there is a light nearby, however, they make a noise here! I first heard them the first week I was here, and I honestly thought it was some scary mountain animal. I always heard them by our windows in the evenings (rarely during the day). Thankfully, I was told they are the little geckos. I guess it’s a mating call or something. They sure are LOUD for such a small critter. One also made its way into our house. It scared the living daylights out of me! I moved our trashcan to take out the trash and it sort of jumped at me! Then I realized it was the little fella. It took a while to maneuver him outside. I kindly asked him to not return inside, but he’s very welcome to eat any icky bugs near our home, OUTSIDE.

The people here, from what I’ve experienced thus far, are amazing. The culture that has been accumulated is beautiful. There are so many different cultures from around the world. I imagine this is what heaven will look like. I love it! Everyone is so kind and helpful. Everyone is so easy to talk to. They have amazing work ethic as well. I hope I can learn a few things about their culture while I’m here. It truly is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

For the most part, I have good communication with most back at home. Somedays I get lonely – my days are the nights back home so most go to sleep or are sleeping while I’m up and about during our day. However, I try to do the best I can. I haven’t really gotten out to meet a lot of people here yet. I’m just trying to get my bearings straight, I guess. From what I’m observing, I think it helps in these military communities to have children and that seems to bridge gaps, but thankfully, I have connected with other chaplain wives, and I know I can rely on them, kids or not. I do have a friend I made and connected with before I arrived here, and we share similar testimonies. She also lives a couple units down from us so that is really nice to have her right there for any impromptu hangouts. She has helped me a lot with this journey and adjustment, and I’m forever grateful.

I know many of you have been asking what our day looks like here – I’ll leave that for another post as this one is already super long! I’ll say that after a month, I still am not exactly sure how I feel about being here. Would this be the place I would choose to live permanently? No. No disrespect to those who do or to those who choose to come back here to retire and live out the remainder of their lives. I get the appeal. It’s beautiful, and for the most part, peaceful. However, it’s way too far from my hometown that I spent 30 years in, but most importantly, it is too far from my family. Those folk, blood or not, have my heart, and a huge chunk is missing by being here. While another piece was fulfilled by coming to be with Nik and building the life we always imagined and talked about, another piece took a huge hit. I understand that you can’t have your cake and eat it, too, and that in the military, you have to expect all kinds of sacrifices, however, no one can truly prepare you for any of those. No amount of pre-courses or talks or handbooks will ever prepare you.

So for now, I’ll do my best to keep my eyes on things of above, continuing to acclimate myself as best I can to island and military life, and trust the good Lord on what comes next for us here. Growing our family? A ministry opportunity? Maybe just doing us for once and cultivating our own family life? A season of self-care? Only God knows best, and I trust whatever He’s got planned. Stay tuned for the next update and we’ll see what’s changed in another month.